can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
