last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
