They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
