i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
