i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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