I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
