i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
