i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
