yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
