Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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