everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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