you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
