dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
