I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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