Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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