Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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