Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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