his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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