Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
