The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
