she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
