Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
