Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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