I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
