Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
