sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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