That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
