I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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