Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
