I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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