Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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