i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
