if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
