Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize