I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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