this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
