I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
