Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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