I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
