Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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