dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
