K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
