Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My liver just broke up with me...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
