Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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