I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
