Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
