4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
