***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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