Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
