Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
