I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
