My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
