when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
