i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
