3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
