It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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