but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
