The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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