If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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