He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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