Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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