my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
