I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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