Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
