chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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