Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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