she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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